Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
