If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
