Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
