I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
