oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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