There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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