Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
