Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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