I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Boobs are out for the taking
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
