WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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