I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
