Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
