well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
