someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
