"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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