if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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