So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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