Me too!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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