dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
