He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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