My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
