Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
