You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
