You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're like the curious george of whores
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
