AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
