Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
