You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ladies don't puke and tell
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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