Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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