The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
