Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
