just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
