dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
