you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
