what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize