Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
