TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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