I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
