It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
