Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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