we have officially lost it.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
