wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize