How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just threw up on my dentist
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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