She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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