i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was confusing and full of hummus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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