There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
