ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
