This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
