Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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