and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
