i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're too hungover to prance.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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