i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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