He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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