my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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