he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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