Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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