he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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