I think my vagina is haunted
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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