I am puke
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
