Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
