loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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