Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
