Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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