just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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