I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you would pick up someone in the library
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize