i already hear my dad disowning me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
