just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
