Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
