A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
