You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
