At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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