You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
