Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
