I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize