i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
