we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize