I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Duck Duck Cougar?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize