just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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