so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
