He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
