happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
