So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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