Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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