this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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