I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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