once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
