so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
