your parents love me but you hate me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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