Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
