absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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