I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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