im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
