I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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