You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
