Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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