He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize