Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
