I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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