marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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