I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
