I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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